Mayday

The Winograd report delivered no huge suprises yesterday. It pointed the finger at Prime Minister Ehud Olmert for his ill-considered rush to war in Lebanon, which led to the deaths of more than 1300 people and the loss of Israel's aura of military invincibility. Now Israel's head honcho takes responsibility for the fiasco, but as expected, still clings to power. His party is scrambling for a facesaving formula for a resignation with dignity, because the pressure on Olmert to go is immense. Amir Peretz, his defense minister may be pushed out as a sacrifice, according to latest media reports. The former army chief Dan Halutz stepped down long before the Winograd report was made public. The Israeli public finds it hard to tolerate a loser. These leaders are reviled as the three stooges of the Lebanon campaign and blamed for further emboldening Hizbollah.

Meanwhile, Gilad Sharon, the son of the comatose warrior and ex-Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, has advocated stripping Arab Israelis of their citizenship.(see Haaretz editorial). Hamas broke its tenuous 5 month truce with Israel, while gun-toting protestors dropped the corpse of a murdered man named Hassan Abu Sharkh into the Palestinian Authority Parliament. Message received.
Nearly a hundred rockets and mortars struck Israel from Gaza, with no injuries, a tactic that intelligence sources say was meant to distract Israeli forces while Hamas kidnapped another soldier or two. The Israel Defense Forces killed three Hamas agents who they said were planting a bomb next to the barricade at the Gaza border. Especially this month, Israelity bites.

Is cannabis Kosher?

In the lead-up to Passover celebrations, observant Jews are expected to ritually clean their households and give away offending foodstuffs. On their front page, the Jerusalem Post today highlights the current confusion over whether keeping hemp products in the house violates any religious traditions of kitnyot, practiced by most devout Ashkenazies. (Marijuana and hashish are clearly classified as illegal by Israeli police, although enforcement of this law can be patchy.)


Now, the Aleh Yorok (Green Leaf) Party spokesperson, Michelle Levine, wonders whether a seasonal prohibition of marijuana implies that during the rest of the year, cannabis is kosher. The party, activists for legalizing hashish, is awaiting a Rabbinical consensus on this quandary before its leaders issue a joint statement.

Weed-whiffers in Israel, after all, are not exactly enjoying high times these days. The Green Leaf Party did not fare well in the Knesset elections. Some Israeli potheads blame the problems on that nasty Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah and his minions: after the summer war destroyed prime croplands with rockets, mortars and tank treads and further blocked smuggling routes for any Lebanese Blonde which was harvested, prices surged 800 per cent. (Already, smokers were concerned that their indulgence might constitute high treason, since some traffickers' profits allegdly went to Hizbollah's coffers. Or should that be coughers?)
At any rate, tossing out such high-priced spliffs in order to keep kosher strikes some smokers as unfair. Others argue that it's just a token sacrifice.

Late addendum: Keeping kitnyot was effectively quashed when legume-eating was ruled kosher, according to Ynet news. This may give a whole new slant to the high holy days.

Viagra vice quite nice for Nasrallah

Peculiar sources have funded Hizbollah’s war chest, say federal agents in the US, and this reality seems weirder than fiction or bad propaganda . Izzy spotted a piece in today’s International Herald Tribune which casually mentioned that Sheikh Sayyad Hassan Nasrallah’s militants received a cut from sales of phony viagra pills in Canada and America. Odder still, one fellow who pleaded guilty last year to pushing tens of thousands of these blue diamond-shaped pastilles for $10 a pop was a Jewish widower from Miami Beach.

His herbal lookalikes were stamped “Pfizen” instead of the corporate trademark “Pfizer” , and obviously were not scrutinized by older customers with failing eyesight, although the result of a missing ingredient must soon have become apparent. These were placebos, the kind that spammers endlessly advertise in your email.

Theodore Schenk, a 73-year-old widower from Miami Beach who looks after a disabled daughter, had a clean record until arrested for racketeering fake viagra last summer. His lawyer portrayed his client as a hapless dupe “trying to help out an Arabic fellow he was doing legitimate business with." Schenk pleaded guilty last fall. When one of Miami’s snow birds scams alongside an imam at a minor Montreal mosque, amongst others, it reveals that crime makes for strange bedfellows.

A portion of these criminal profits made their way to orphans of suicide bombers in Lebanon, according to a criminal indictment unsealed in a Detroit courtroom, though considerably more was spent on weapons training and ammunition. The formal trial for the gang was scheduled to begin last month. The majority of these 19 suspects lived in Dearborn, an Arab enclave in suburban Detroit. Colin Freeze, of the Globe and Mail newspaper, disclosed that five Canadians also are accused. Profits from fake zig-zag rolling papers and stolen baby formula also contributed to the Hizbollah war chest.

The symbolism of all this might cause some titters. Buying weapons with profits gained on ersatz erection pills would be almost comical, if Katyusha rockets were not so deadly. Iran and Syria may be behind terror sponsorship, but obviously there is stiff competition: big bucks can be had from digging into the deep pockets of America’s erectile dysfunctional and clubbers who want to go all night. Since there is no sign that the Shia militia is flagging in Lebanon, criminals may still be adding to their coffers.