Scary Seder with the Rivers

Joan Rivers and her daughter are flanked by the Hollywood actor/waiters they hired for their Passover (the top...way over!). Hat tip, or rather tip of the shtreimel, to Paula Froelich the Daily Beast for dining with a lady whose taste is all in her mouth. Moses has a lisp, Elijah gets drunk, and the self-promotion doesn’t stop.

You know you’re going to get an epic Seder when you’re greeted at the door by two goys in faux-fur Hassidic hats with greasy-looking fake Payos’ attached to them. It was also a pretty good sign that I had successfully arrived at Melissa and Joan Rivers’ house—as opposed to the other four Seders that were being held on that particularly dimly lit Pacific Palisades street Monday night.

“Come in! Come in!” Joan, dressed almost entirely in a sparkly outfit from her Joan Rivers Collection, cried. “Passover—such a happy occasion. We were passed over!Let’s just drink the wine instead of dripping it on our plate,” Joan said. “We’ll drip it in our throat instead…”

Check out Britney Spears' Conversion Diary

As soon as a new Star of David dangled in the cleavage of a certain blonde singer, one who does not answer to the name of Madonna/Esther, the world's tabloids jumped on the Haaretz scoop and went wild. "Oy, I did it again!" quips the Daily Beast. Southern Baptist born Britney is reportedly converting to Judaism out of love for her latest boyfriend, following in the stiletto heel footsteps of Liz Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, Ivanka Trump, et al. The New Yorker magazine, sniffing an irresistible opportunity for satire, has followed up with the imagined jottings of Britney's religious awakening in the "Shouts and Murmurs" column. Will Judaism's eleventh Commandment... Never Buy Retail... get evoked when the Trailer Park chick goes from gilt to guilt on Saturday nights?

Shalom, Diary:

I think Rabbi Pearlstein is really pissed at me. Today in Jewish class he was going through the Halakha, which I thought was the Jewish word for Hannah Montana but turns out to be like a whole bunch of boring laws about days of the week and pork and shit, and I was like, “Rabbi P., is there any way you could break this down into a bunch of tweets? I’ll read it on my phone on the way to rehearsal.” He got so mad those curls on the sides of his head started shaking. (I don’t know why he won’t let my stylist snip them off. They’re not a good look for him, K.?) On the plus side, he taught me this awesome Jewish trivia fact: You don’t have to call Jewish people “Jewish people.” It turns out they don’t mind being called plain old “Jews.” LOL.

There's more... (click here). A more thoughtful and enlightening perspective would be the journal of the long suffering Rabbi Pearlstein.